Choices, Experience & Life
We have just this one life.
It drives me crazy that ther are so many experiences are to be had.
Every choice means giving up hundreds of others…
Whatever we choose to do, we should do it well, because to make that choice means sacrificing so many other possibilities. Additionally, we must chose more carefully.. again, due to the sacrifice involved.
As a society, it is my opinion that we usually don’t weigh these choices. We chose our relationships, our lovers, careers, words… we chose these things almost subconsciously, with no consideration as to the level of effort that must be expended to maintain them – at least, to maintain them to the level of positive benefit. What do I mean? What level of effort and communication is required to keep the positive experiences in a relationship just that – positive. You must communicate, share, respect – and once any of those things are not valued – are taken for granted or ignored for even a short amount of time – and suddenly they become something we resent. A burden, rather than a benefit. And then where do end up? Spending those valuable moments of our time .. those never-recoverable moments feeling empty, resentful, frustrated… lonesome. Sometimes we recover the positive aspects of the relationship with significant work, and sometimes we just “hold it together.” But even then – with what goal – what choices in mind?
Choosing a relationship that begins to become a struggle and requires work (i.e. communication, even 3rd party assistance) CAN be the best thing for our own growth – as well as that of the relationship itself. Counseling can be the best thing that ever happened to some people – and it helps us to work out our own character flaws, as long as we come to it with honesty and a willingness to grow. I have noticed, however, those couples that sort of “fell” together are rarely willing to go to counseling when strife is introduced, and if they do – its often to prove themselves right (or their partner wrong) as opposed to growing. Entering into a relationship with recognition of its value by both parties, makes surviving discord – especially from a place of trust - more likely, because the partners know they share a common goal in the relationship. This is the most powerful effect and benefit partnership has in our life: the ability to help us grow… in a safe, trusting environment. It is true, too, that people do often “grow” apart in partnerships, but again – if both value the relationship for what it brings them, even this can be resolved from an amicable perspective (this situation, in particular, I can personally testify too!)
Now, I’m not suggesting this is easy, especially since our culture seems to promote exactly the opposite.. the ‘magic’ of the adrenaline rush of attraction, etc.. but try applying this to everywhere else… to our careers, for example. Being open to learning everything we can to doing the best we can, accepting criticism in order to perform to the expectations of the job – and either being able to mold the job into something healthy and beneficial for the business, or being able to recognize when you are not suited for the job and helping to fill the position with someone who is.
This sounds stupid at first, I know…
I have received rolled eyes on this one I don’t know HOW many times.. but try it on from this perspective: if it isn’t suited for you, you will either hurt the business by NOT having a positive influence on it, or spend so many hours of this short, valuable life performing in a career that you don’t enjoy – and how does that contribute to your enjoyment of the moment?How about further down the line?
If life ended today: January 1st, 2006 how much of your life would you feel was worthy? We all have things, right? Our children, our achievements, our charity. The commitments we made and worked through, and the gained returns from those efforts…
Consider what percentage of our collective life experience culminate (or contribute to the culmination of) an item on that list ours?
How much of the experience itself, instead of just the achievement, is worthy of the list?
I submit to you that it can, and should, be more. Not so much another item on my list of resolutions, rather, a concept, a perspective I resolve to make an effort to more fully embrace than I do now. Creating a life worth living.. that I consciously choose – not that just ‘happens.’ - Like those who find they have little time to live, and rather than succumbing to their fears, than playing the victim, they embrace their families, or life itself… and no longer does Maya lull them back into the unconscious wasting of these precious moments…
Just… some more obsessive thoughts.. just in time for the new year.
It drives me crazy that ther are so many experiences are to be had.
Every choice means giving up hundreds of others…
Whatever we choose to do, we should do it well, because to make that choice means sacrificing so many other possibilities. Additionally, we must chose more carefully.. again, due to the sacrifice involved.
As a society, it is my opinion that we usually don’t weigh these choices. We chose our relationships, our lovers, careers, words… we chose these things almost subconsciously, with no consideration as to the level of effort that must be expended to maintain them – at least, to maintain them to the level of positive benefit. What do I mean? What level of effort and communication is required to keep the positive experiences in a relationship just that – positive. You must communicate, share, respect – and once any of those things are not valued – are taken for granted or ignored for even a short amount of time – and suddenly they become something we resent. A burden, rather than a benefit. And then where do end up? Spending those valuable moments of our time .. those never-recoverable moments feeling empty, resentful, frustrated… lonesome. Sometimes we recover the positive aspects of the relationship with significant work, and sometimes we just “hold it together.” But even then – with what goal – what choices in mind?
Choosing a relationship that begins to become a struggle and requires work (i.e. communication, even 3rd party assistance) CAN be the best thing for our own growth – as well as that of the relationship itself. Counseling can be the best thing that ever happened to some people – and it helps us to work out our own character flaws, as long as we come to it with honesty and a willingness to grow. I have noticed, however, those couples that sort of “fell” together are rarely willing to go to counseling when strife is introduced, and if they do – its often to prove themselves right (or their partner wrong) as opposed to growing. Entering into a relationship with recognition of its value by both parties, makes surviving discord – especially from a place of trust - more likely, because the partners know they share a common goal in the relationship. This is the most powerful effect and benefit partnership has in our life: the ability to help us grow… in a safe, trusting environment. It is true, too, that people do often “grow” apart in partnerships, but again – if both value the relationship for what it brings them, even this can be resolved from an amicable perspective (this situation, in particular, I can personally testify too!)
Now, I’m not suggesting this is easy, especially since our culture seems to promote exactly the opposite.. the ‘magic’ of the adrenaline rush of attraction, etc.. but try applying this to everywhere else… to our careers, for example. Being open to learning everything we can to doing the best we can, accepting criticism in order to perform to the expectations of the job – and either being able to mold the job into something healthy and beneficial for the business, or being able to recognize when you are not suited for the job and helping to fill the position with someone who is.
This sounds stupid at first, I know…
I have received rolled eyes on this one I don’t know HOW many times.. but try it on from this perspective: if it isn’t suited for you, you will either hurt the business by NOT having a positive influence on it, or spend so many hours of this short, valuable life performing in a career that you don’t enjoy – and how does that contribute to your enjoyment of the moment?How about further down the line?
If life ended today: January 1st, 2006 how much of your life would you feel was worthy? We all have things, right? Our children, our achievements, our charity. The commitments we made and worked through, and the gained returns from those efforts…
Consider what percentage of our collective life experience culminate (or contribute to the culmination of) an item on that list ours?
How much of the experience itself, instead of just the achievement, is worthy of the list?
I submit to you that it can, and should, be more. Not so much another item on my list of resolutions, rather, a concept, a perspective I resolve to make an effort to more fully embrace than I do now. Creating a life worth living.. that I consciously choose – not that just ‘happens.’ - Like those who find they have little time to live, and rather than succumbing to their fears, than playing the victim, they embrace their families, or life itself… and no longer does Maya lull them back into the unconscious wasting of these precious moments…
Just… some more obsessive thoughts.. just in time for the new year.
posted by Psyche at 12:18 PM
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