Channeling Narcisse (and other self-centered crap))
Interesting how we make assumptions about ourselves and others, based on our perspective of the world. It is difficult, sometimes (at least in my experience) to remember that most people do not see the world as we do.
I think of myself as a very aggressive, independent, rational, honest, scatterbrained, yet intelligent woman. Most people would (and have) agreed with this sentiment (though many might stress that "cold" should be added into the mix.)
But how accurate is this? Am I really so very aggressive?
Perhaps for our culture - or in certain settings, but how much of that aggressive behavior is simply honesty? And how much of my "aggressiveness" would even be noticed were I male instead of female? I dare say the very idea of "aggressiveness" or "cold B***" or even "independent" come from our histiocultural (yes, I made it up, but I am in to much of a rush to get these thoughts out of my head so I can concentrate on other things to worry about semantics.. you get the point, right? Good enough.) stereotypes about what a woman should be like! ACT like.. etc.
What else feeds into that? Age, attractiveness, education... but how cold am I really?
How aggressive? Okay.. I admit I am pretty intense - but no more so than my male peers - and frequently less. And how is it that I can watch two men get in an argument over a business conflict and neither one be judged about his character - but if you are a woman and you address an issue you disagree with, you are a troublemaker - and quickly earn a reputation for being "argumentative.." (no matter if you are usually RIGHT, by the way.. lol)
And independent? Am I?
Yes... I mean, I can and do provide for myself and others - and "need" little in the way of a caretaker - but certainly I like being warm at night, and enjoy my friends, and chat (only a bit, though) at work..
But a male who did the same wouldn’t be seen as "independent," would he??This isn’t really a feminist argument, by the way.... its more in reference to another thought I was having, and I thought Id explain the context by way of this discussion.
You see, I think I may have been pigeonholing someone as well... At first, he came across as intelligent, arrogant and effeminate (which would have been "okay" or "PC" or something had he been gay - but as he isn’t, he was labeled at a having some "jerk"ish qualities/insecurities instead.) But come to find out, he isn’t any of those things... and is actually (well... maybe still a bit arrogant, but that’s forgivable.. lol) a very sensitive person - but NOT effeminate (but you can see where the two could get confused, right?)
Accepting this, as I have, I made some further assumptions that I now realize may have been incorrect and short-sighted...
We laughed about how data-oriented I am, and he the opposite, a very empathetic person - so much so, actually, that it makes him somewhat "vulnerable." I put us (and perhaps he did to, I'm not quite certain) at polar ends of the earth, and then declared that, being so different, we ought to be quite positive influences on each other... My ASSUMPTIONS being that somehow his sensitive nature and deeper understanding/perspective and vibes from emotional cues could somehow offer me a reference point for softening up a bit, myself. Having overcome the trust issues (which is, a assume, a typical problem for those of differing character) and establishing a repartee, I found myself a bit confused because it seemed like I was still having trouble communicating... information... about.. about things! about thoughts, feelings, preferences (no, we arent on the phone all night chatting away, I just mean in everyday conversations..) ect... and there has been some frustration on my behalf as to why...And I think it just hit me, which is why i wasted 20 minutes writing it all down. I'm still assuming - I am assuming that if someone is so different from me than they must be DIFFERENT from me, and I expect depth and sensitivity and sweetness and gushy feeling-stuff and all this sort of thing (no, again, not about ME, just about life - about books and music and shrimp.. lol)
So when he takes an intellectual perspective on things, I think I am getting crossed signals - but I'm NOT!
I can cry.. I have had crying spells in my life... but I don’t do it often. Imagine if someone didn’t cry at all, and then befriended me, getting more used to vulnerability and neediness and crying, and then I got over it (situational depression or something) and they were suddenly confused because they had done all this work on trying to "prepare" and better themselves for my friendship, and suddenly I am not doing any of those things... LOL
Gee.. I make it sound like friendships are selfish things, and that we choose them because of what we can learn and experience, don't I? Oh wait, I actually believe that.. which probably sounds awful, too... but it really isn’t.. but now I don’t have the will to go into another long explanation.. Lets just say it is the same argument for why we are motivated, but not "required" to do good works...
Or why we THINK men like to have sex, or... aww.. forget it for now.
Hmm.. this isn’t coming across as I intend, either...
I am still working on Assets in my head, and watching the clock, as I have a meeting in an hour... (darn UK and their early morning meetings!) and if you are still reading this, you must be very, very bored.
In fact, I am very, very bored and don’t have enough time to do justice to this thought..
I will leave it up for a while it gets worked on in my subconscious and try and come back and clean it up (and shorten it, for heavens sake!) before I go this afternoon, but if I am still stuck, it will get removed - like so many others... LOL
I think of myself as a very aggressive, independent, rational, honest, scatterbrained, yet intelligent woman. Most people would (and have) agreed with this sentiment (though many might stress that "cold" should be added into the mix.)
But how accurate is this? Am I really so very aggressive?
Perhaps for our culture - or in certain settings, but how much of that aggressive behavior is simply honesty? And how much of my "aggressiveness" would even be noticed were I male instead of female? I dare say the very idea of "aggressiveness" or "cold B***" or even "independent" come from our histiocultural (yes, I made it up, but I am in to much of a rush to get these thoughts out of my head so I can concentrate on other things to worry about semantics.. you get the point, right? Good enough.) stereotypes about what a woman should be like! ACT like.. etc.
What else feeds into that? Age, attractiveness, education... but how cold am I really?
How aggressive? Okay.. I admit I am pretty intense - but no more so than my male peers - and frequently less. And how is it that I can watch two men get in an argument over a business conflict and neither one be judged about his character - but if you are a woman and you address an issue you disagree with, you are a troublemaker - and quickly earn a reputation for being "argumentative.." (no matter if you are usually RIGHT, by the way.. lol)
And independent? Am I?
Yes... I mean, I can and do provide for myself and others - and "need" little in the way of a caretaker - but certainly I like being warm at night, and enjoy my friends, and chat (only a bit, though) at work..
But a male who did the same wouldn’t be seen as "independent," would he??This isn’t really a feminist argument, by the way.... its more in reference to another thought I was having, and I thought Id explain the context by way of this discussion.
You see, I think I may have been pigeonholing someone as well... At first, he came across as intelligent, arrogant and effeminate (which would have been "okay" or "PC" or something had he been gay - but as he isn’t, he was labeled at a having some "jerk"ish qualities/insecurities instead.) But come to find out, he isn’t any of those things... and is actually (well... maybe still a bit arrogant, but that’s forgivable.. lol) a very sensitive person - but NOT effeminate (but you can see where the two could get confused, right?)
Accepting this, as I have, I made some further assumptions that I now realize may have been incorrect and short-sighted...
We laughed about how data-oriented I am, and he the opposite, a very empathetic person - so much so, actually, that it makes him somewhat "vulnerable." I put us (and perhaps he did to, I'm not quite certain) at polar ends of the earth, and then declared that, being so different, we ought to be quite positive influences on each other... My ASSUMPTIONS being that somehow his sensitive nature and deeper understanding/perspective and vibes from emotional cues could somehow offer me a reference point for softening up a bit, myself. Having overcome the trust issues (which is, a assume, a typical problem for those of differing character) and establishing a repartee, I found myself a bit confused because it seemed like I was still having trouble communicating... information... about.. about things! about thoughts, feelings, preferences (no, we arent on the phone all night chatting away, I just mean in everyday conversations..) ect... and there has been some frustration on my behalf as to why...And I think it just hit me, which is why i wasted 20 minutes writing it all down. I'm still assuming - I am assuming that if someone is so different from me than they must be DIFFERENT from me, and I expect depth and sensitivity and sweetness and gushy feeling-stuff and all this sort of thing (no, again, not about ME, just about life - about books and music and shrimp.. lol)
So when he takes an intellectual perspective on things, I think I am getting crossed signals - but I'm NOT!
I can cry.. I have had crying spells in my life... but I don’t do it often. Imagine if someone didn’t cry at all, and then befriended me, getting more used to vulnerability and neediness and crying, and then I got over it (situational depression or something) and they were suddenly confused because they had done all this work on trying to "prepare" and better themselves for my friendship, and suddenly I am not doing any of those things... LOL
Gee.. I make it sound like friendships are selfish things, and that we choose them because of what we can learn and experience, don't I? Oh wait, I actually believe that.. which probably sounds awful, too... but it really isn’t.. but now I don’t have the will to go into another long explanation.. Lets just say it is the same argument for why we are motivated, but not "required" to do good works...
Or why we THINK men like to have sex, or... aww.. forget it for now.
Hmm.. this isn’t coming across as I intend, either...
I am still working on Assets in my head, and watching the clock, as I have a meeting in an hour... (darn UK and their early morning meetings!) and if you are still reading this, you must be very, very bored.
In fact, I am very, very bored and don’t have enough time to do justice to this thought..
I will leave it up for a while it gets worked on in my subconscious and try and come back and clean it up (and shorten it, for heavens sake!) before I go this afternoon, but if I am still stuck, it will get removed - like so many others... LOL
posted by Psyche at 5:11 AM
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